How to Avoid Loneliness in 5 Easy Steps

“What does not change / is the will to change” ( ~ Charles Olson, “The Kingfishers”)

Fill out the questionnaire before reading:

·       Do you believe you need to do something to improve your mental health?

                      NO           YES            I DON’T KNOW

·       Do you think emotional or mental health problems are at risk of getting worse if you aren’t able to take action?

1.     No, it’ll get better on its own

2.     No, it’ll stay the same

3.     Yes, it’ll get somewhat worse

4.     Yes, it’ll get much worse

STEP 1  Say it out aloud . . . to yourself. Acknowledge it. Then say it to another human being. Not to your cat or your pet terrier. If anyone says they’ve never felt lonesome and sad, they’re lying through their teeth. Know that.

STEP 2  Don’t doom-scroll through YouTube videos of Leonard Cohen songs at midnight and expect to feel better. Same applies to Blondie. Emily Griffith at any hour is a deadly drug. Go to the movies instead. On your iPad, TV,  laptop or phone. Stream what pleases you. Technology has given you a gift. K-Pop to Fellini to Wong Kar-Wai and Ray can get you through another day. Even “Succession” and “Inventing Anna” provide relief and many a snicker. Time it well.

STEP 3  Retail therapy can help. Avoid buying books that you have no time to read. Buy fruits instead. Udon noodles and veggies too. And don’t buy booze or drugs. No one in human history has ever found true relief through those products. If you see your blood pressure rising and you start getting angry at something, move immediately toward beauty ---literally---to the photograph of the lisianthus that your friend posted on Facebook or the photos of floppy fur-bunnies, stray cats, off the streets of Mumbai that the animator from India feeds and cares for. If you have a grandchild, stare at their photograph for a minute. If child is a toddler, the desired effect is only seconds away.

STEP 4  Walk around the neighborhood. Go to the local reservoir and the walking trails. Notice the cloud formations; the spring buds, some even clamoring skyward from cracks in the sidewalk concrete. Watch the squirrels play. They live in the moment and they’ll make you smile. The squirrels are so breathlessly fast and acrobatic they could be on ice with the Bruins. Be like the squirrels. In the moment. Be careful not to walk into traffic while looking at the clouds.

STEP 5  Call someone and say you’re lonely. Not with an expectation that they’d make you not lonely. It’ll relieve the pressure off your chest to be honest. Learn something new today. Doesn’t have to be physics or higher math. Just something new. I found out today that all the hours spent on learning about authoring tools and platforms and Sharepoint sites for documents required to edit three to four pages is a pain in the neck. Don’t be passive and suffocate. Tomorrow will come. Guaranteed. And you’ll have another shot at this life.

“You are not dead yet, it’s not too late

to open your depths by plunging into them

and drink in the life

that reveals itself quietly there”

(from Rainer Maria Rilke’s Book of Hours: Love Poems to God, translated by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy)

*************************************************************************

(Thanks to Ethan Gilsdorf  at Grub Street for his encouragement)

______________________________________________________________

The Selling of Instincts of Beauty

A review by Sandhya Nankani, Founder-Publisher, Literary Safari

“Memory is such an interesting thing. It doesn't operate on rules of linearity, but crisscrosses & weaves webs and mazes through which, if we are willing to travel, we can reach wonderful and deep places. That is what I loved about "Instincts of Beauty," by Amit Shah. 

At first glance, it seems a simple collection of essays - many of which have been published in various literary journals. But then, you start reading and discover a mini-memoir whose chapters are separate and interconnected and which gracefully weave together family history, stories of migration and immigration, and poetic reflections on life —and simultaneously invites you, the reader to excavate your own memories (because some of the chapters offer wonderful writing prompts such as "when people meet me for the first time, they won't know that I ..." or put forward a list of places the author has been that make you want to sit down and make your own list). 

Amit is an elegant writer, with an eye for the details that take us, the reader from Kolkata and Bihar in post-independence India to Massachusetts and New York City. But, more importantly, he is an honest writer, who delves into his childhood, his complex relationship with his father, and traces the moments that brought him to America in 1970, where he embarked on a long and successful career in publishing. For those who are interested in nuanced read that offers a fascinating perspective on South Asian American history, this would make an excellent pick, particularly the chapter titled "Dusty Marble with Scratches" which chronicles his father's fascinating adventure in 1939 aboard the NY bound passenger liner called President Harding, a month after WWII began.

And, after you're done, I have a feeling that you'll want more of Shah's work, in which case you can follow his Substack blog. 

************************************************************************************

AVAILABLE IN THE U.S. FOR $6.50

(shipping is $1.96)

Venmo: @Amit-Shah-1950

Checks: 39 Whitman Street, Somerville, MA 02144

Available on Kindle as well.